[I sent this out the other day to my Women's circle, aka Mom Friends. The emal I forwarded them is from a yahoo group I belong to, "FlyLady". (Read her site about why the odd name).
It's been a fun list for getting organized and they do send motivational (rah-rah) emails - lots of emails. I had joined last year, briefly, and quit immediately.
Basically I was flooded with emails and didn't know to delete them. They seemed rather too wild-eyed and reminded me of my dear departed Grandma Doris (May her memory be for a blesssing) who once had shock therapy, but was a perfect housekeeper. I mean her place was spotless. So I grew up with the strange dichotomy of cleanliness versus sanity.
At last I've realized it's ok to be clean and I might even keep more sanity. In fact I'm learning that routines free me up for more fun stuff (like spinning). And keeping to a strict regimin of cleaning regularly helps me be present to Life.
So the note I've put up here on the the blog is about the "Baby Blues" carried to extremes. I'm not sure if I will keep it up though, since it might be unethical to post it. I'm still mulling that over.
Cool group if you want to join, even for "Payroll SHEs" which is a weird weird oxymoron. Go to FlyLady's site.
Email to Mom Friends:
My cynic isn't too sure about the style of this message, but my Universal Mother-self knows it's good for all of us to get these kinds of reminders. It's good to ask for help when we need it *and* accept it when offered:)
Blessings on all the Mothers and babies,
v
-----Original Message-----
From: FLYLADY [mailto:FlyLady@FlyLady.net]
Sent: Wednesday, September 24, 2003 11:55 AM
To: FlyLadyMentors@yahoogroups.com
Dear Friends,
The death of a child is heart wrenching for any reason. In our community we have been mourning the death of a baby that was drowned by his mother. I will be honest this has been very hard for me and the whole community. We all had some connection to this new family.
When we are hurting it is important that we learn that it is OK to reach out to friends and family for help. I picked up the phone and called my dear friend Cheryl McClary and asked her to write something for you all and for me. Something to help explain about depression.
Cheryl is a precious person that has a degree in public health and teaches about Women's Health Issues at the University of North Carolina in Asheville. I knew she would have the words to reach out and touch us. Have you reached out to someone today?
I Love You All!
FlyLady
BLUER THAN TRUE BLUES
FROM THE AUTHOR OF
THE COMMITMENT CHRONICLES
CHERYL McCLARY, PH.D, J.D
Dear friends,
My heart is breaking because another innocent life has been lost and another family broken because of Postpartum Depression (PPD). I hope this story helps all of us to better understand how serious this condition is.
I give mommy a kick to remind her that I am still here. Normally I hear her singing to me. And every night Daddy reads to me, but something is different about today. I have not heard anything today except a beeper going off. This is a new sound for me. It is starting to feel a little tight in here, so maybe it is time for me to see this world I have been told so much about while I was in Heaven. I was instructed not to be afraid because I would have a Guardian angel that would protect me, and if anything drastic happened to me, MY ANGEL will bring me back to the God that is sending me as a gift from Him to my mother.
I am still a little bit concerned though. While in heaven, I was not shown a picture of my new family and I wonder what they look like.
My biggest concern is will I make them happy. Will they be able to love and care for me so that I will feel comfortable in my new surroundings? I will not be able to tell my mother that I love her and appreciate her efforts in taking good care of me while I was developing into what is called an infant, for a long time, if ever.
Uh-oh, someone let the water out. No more swimming for me. I think it is about time for me to see my new world.
I like this bright light, it reminds me of home, but I am frightened by all these new sounds. I am getting a little concerned about the weather here, also. I am cold, and I am going to cry to let someone know about this. I was instructed that I would have to cry in order to let my parents know that I needed something, so I am doing my best to communicate by letting out my best, highest pitched scream that I can produce. Something warm and fuzzy is wrapped around me, and I hear my mother's voice. She sounds so close to my ears that I turn my face and try to focus my eyes on her. Oh, how beautiful, my mother is beautiful. I try to smile at her to let her know that I love her, but all I can manage to do is to stop crying and snuggle closer to her. I like this; I am enjoying this bonding time with my mother!
After being fed this wonderfully sweet tasting liquid, I am ready to go to sleep, but I open my eyes when I feel myself being lifted and I
hear my daddy's voice. He is singing to me. I snuggle close to his
beating heart and give him a loud burp. I am HAPPY.
I look over daddy's shoulder and I see my Guardian Angel. He is smiling because this is a good match.
I heard someone telling mama that we would be going home today. I am feeling cranky because my tummy feels funny, so I have not been a happy camper today. I try crying louder to let with my parents know that my tummy has gone past the stage of feeling funny to actually hurting. And furthermore I do not like this contraption I heard was called a car seat. I hear mama cooing to me, so I try to settle down and go to sleep.
I have been home a week now. It is about 3:45 a.m., and I want mama. This is about the fourth time I have called out to her by crying. The first time she came with a smile, but this last time she was not smiling. So, I hope this time she will be happy to see me and that she will cuddle me close so that I can feel her heart beat, then maybe I will be feel comfortable and go back to sleep.
Mama is not smiling, nor does she pick me up to cuddle me. In fact she looks tired and unhappy. I am getting very concerned and I begin to cry even louder. I can tell mama does not like this, but I do not know any other way to speak with her other than to cry.
"Please, please go back to sleep, I am exhausted." I hear her say. I do not like her tone of voice and I cry even harder. She picks me up and I can feel that she is tense. When I get close enough to her face she is frowning at me. I pucker up and wonder will I be sent back home tonight.
Before I came here, I overheard an Angel saying that heaven received back an infant today. I wanted to know what they were talking about, so I flew a little closer. The Angel continued on to say that a mother returned the infant because about two to three days after giving birth, she began to feel depressed, anxious, and upset. She could not shake off feelings of gloom and doom so she took it out on her baby.
The returned baby was cradled in the arms of God. It was so happy and had a glow about it. God was telling it "though earth did not how to keep you, all heaven is rejoicing today because another infant has received its wings. Because you have earned your wings, instead of needing comfort, you will now be giving comfort to those that you left behind to grieve."
The angel continued on to say that it is normal for a new mother to feel "blue" after having a baby, but this baby's mother was feeling bluer that than true blues. In fact, about 70 to 80 percent of all new mothers have baby blues after childbirth. But this mother had such strong feelings of sadness, anxiety, or despair that she had trouble coping with her daily tasks.
Another angel asked for more information, so that she could make earthlings more aware of the situation, and maybe through social awareness we all can prevent some of these "returned infants".
The angel continued on by first singing this phrase, "EVERY DAY THEY PASS ME BY, I CAN SEE IT IN THEIR EYES, EMPTY PEOPLE FILLED WITH CARE, HEADING WHO KNOWS WHERE. ON THEY GO IN PRIVATE PAIN, LIVING FEAR TO FEAR. LAUGHTER HIDES THE SILENT CRIES ONLY JESUS HEARS.
PEOPLE NEED THE LORD, AT THE END OF BROKEN DREAMS HE'S THE OPEN DOOR."
There was silence in heaven after this thought provoking revelation, but the angel continued to give out valuable information. She said, "According to the National Women's Health Information Center (NWHIC), there are three forms or levels of the `blues'". The first is known as baby blues, the next is postpartum depression (PPD), and the most serious of all is postpartum psychosis.
* The baby blues happen in many women in the days right after
childbirth. A new mother can have sudden mood swings, such as feeling very happy and then feeling very sad. She may cry for no reason and can feel impatient, irritable, restless, anxious, lonely, and sad.
The baby blues may last only a few hours or as long as one to two weeks after delivery. The baby blues do not always require treatment from a health care provider. Often, joining a support group of new moms or talking with other moms helps.
* Postpartum depression (PPD) can happen a few days or even
months after childbirth. PPD can happen after the birth of any child, not just the first child. A woman can have feelings similar to the baby blues - sadness, despair, anxiety, irritability - but she feels them much more strongly than she would with the baby blues. PPD often keeps a woman from doing the things she needs to do every day. When a woman's ability to function is affected, this is a sure sign that she needs to see her health care provider right away. If a woman does not get treatment for PPD, symptoms can get worse and last for as long as a year. PPD is a serious condition. It can be treated with medication and counseling and lots of support from loved ones. But, first of all the loved ones must also be able to recognize the signs of PPD!
What are the signs of postpartum depression?
The signs of postpartum depression include:
* Feeling restless or irritable.
* Feeling sad, depressed or crying a lot.
* Having no energy.
* Having headaches, chest pains, heart palpitations (the heart
being fast and feeling like it is skipping beats), numbness, or hyperventilation (fast and shallow breathing).
* Not being able to sleep or being very tired, or both.
* Not being able to eat and weight loss.
* Overeating and weight gain.
* Trouble focusing, remembering, or making decisions.
* Being overly worried about the baby.
* Not having any interest in the baby.
* Feeling worthless and guilty.
* Being afraid of hurting the baby or yourself.
* No interest or pleasure in activities, including sex.
* Postpartum psychosis is a very serious mental illness that
can affect new mothers. This illness can happen quickly, often within the first three months after childbirth. Women can lose touch with reality, often having auditory hallucinations (hearing things that aren't actually happening, like a person talking) and delusions (seeing things differently from what they are). Visual hallucinations (seeing things that aren't there) are less common. Other symptoms include insomnia (not being able to sleep), feeling agitated (unsettled), angry, and strange feelings and behaviors. Women who have postpartum psychosis need treatment immediately and almost always need medication. Women are put into the hospital because they are at risk for hurting themselves or someone else, often the baby.
As the angel finishes the lecture, she holds out her arms to embrace another baby that has earned its wings. But she has to smile when she looks at the following scene. And she knows that I will not be returned.
I felt mama lift me up so that I could feel her heart beat, she began to coo to me and try to comfort me. I finally knew that mama loved me unconditionally and that I would be allowed to stay in this world for a while. As daddy peeked in on us, everyone was sleeping peacefully. My Guardian Angel was hovering behind the rocking chair smiling down at the beautiful scene his eyes were beholding.
Love,
Cheryl McClary
P.S. Just to remind you again, families and friends should be aware of the signs of PPD, and take action immediately once signs become evident.
FlyLady Here: Thank you Cheryl for your words to help us recognize the signs of Depression. Tears are rolling down my face as I think about all the babies and all the mommies that need a helping hand.
Please reach out to someone you know today. You both will feel better for it.
Her book is on Amazon if you would like to read more from her:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0972714405/
You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K.?
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