Some mornings I wake up tense, left over from the day before, or it came during the night, is already with me. So I lay in bed and count my blessings, of course. This helps.
Don't get me wrong; often I have good dreams and wake up in a good mood. Last night it was something about a boiler room/industrial work site with Tom, and our cats showed up (grin). hmmm - wonder what boilers stand for?
Generally, being an optimist keeps me from too many dark mornings.
In a yin-yang sort of way I married a pessimist. This makes for many interesting encounters -
"It could be half empty."
"Not to my mind, I'm sure it's half full."
"No, I can clearly see the emptiness."
"Yes, but that's because I just drank half of it, so it's still half full!"
"You emptied it - you removed it and now we don't have it, so the glass is nearly empty!"
"Fine! I'll just go get some more and then it will be all FULL!!"
It's good we can still laugh about these "conversations" although not usually while we are having them.
Marriage is an unnatural state*. After all, it's just one model for raising children, not necessarily better or worse than other types of societal constructs. Some indigenous peoples have close-knit small communities and they truly raise children communally.
And in some Native American tribes, women completed a divorce by putting her mate's belongings outside the tent. This saved a lot of attorneys fees. Again, the children were supported by the tribe, and life moved on.
So here are the things I love about Tom, in spite of my skeptism about marriage as an institution:
for being skeptical about most societal forms, including schools, hospitals and advanced degrees
for quietly making me tea when I'm grumpy or ranting
for knowing the prices of every item he buys for us at three grocery stores, within 50 cents.
for seeing patterns in behaviour that I totally miss, like the neighbors seeming distracted, and it turned out Loren has cancer, or that pork rinds attract hunters.
for being firmly liberal, following the blog news and knowing when not to let this enter the conversation, like when he voted last week.
for making pancakes and sausage for Patrick and his buddies after a sleep over, even if he does it to keep the kitchen clean and the kids from getting creative in there
for reading to Gwyneth all the time, and playing silly games with her, including carrying this giant six year old on his shoulders, recognizing it won't last much longer.
for always looking for ways to relate to the kids, no matter how impossible this seems with surly, drama queens (pre-teens)
for trying to stay out of the way when I'm on a cleaning binge
for knowing how to do Nothing, and encouraging me to try it and not being impatient when I end up knitting, but enjoying that we sit together for a bit of peaceful reverie.
for knowing how to manipulate images on the computer and not complaining when I whine about the computer, although he knows I could usually fix it, eventually
for not asking me to fix the computer problems after dealing with them all day, plus people
for acknowledging that he doesn't like making any phone call or any financial chore, and doing it anyway.
for not complaining about all the yarn and wool and sewing and scrap booking and other craft projects or the money I spend on them, or that my time is short for enjoying them so sometimes they are left for long periods, unattended.
for quietly encouraging me when I take the time to enjoy my crafts
for never fussing when I bring yet another book home
for knowing where all kinds of weird stuff is, in boxes in the basement, or at least remember having seen it and then actually looking for it and surprising me with it later (because my memory is short)
for tolerating the 2 cats and 2 dogs and even the bunnies and guniea pig and the extra cat, and the chickens and the goats, when we had them
for going to a guniea pig funeral and understanding why I cried throughout
For burying all kinds of animals over the years, large and small - including the guniea pig in the flower pot.
for being able to fix all kinds of stuff, although it is an image he firmly rejects, and then actually fixing things, even if it takes him months to warm up to the idea
for building things we need, like bookshelves and cubbies
for being ok in a smaller house and letting go of all kinds of stuff we don't need, even though he is the consummate pack rat (and I say this with the utmost respect for rats:)
for laughing with real enjoyment every time I mix up famous names, like Neil Diamond and Neil Young; James Brown and Jackson Brown
for delivering the most hysterical one liners, so that I laugh in tears and my side hurts and for remembering the kids' unintentional ones ("Toy poodles? Mom only likes REAL poodles!")
for writing me hundreds of love letters when we were dating, and spending hours on the phone in long distance "dates" when we really couldn't afford it.
for putting up with me for all these years, a huge challenge.
Love you dear - me
*I also think marriage is a fantastic place, a container of sorts, for personal growth. Not that stretching is fun, but if you believe in growing until you die, try matrimony. It's like the Extra Human Growth Hormone:) Weird things can come out of it, but .... well... yeah. It can make you taller.