Just a couple of notes, in memory of my brother John:
"In high-risk patients—that is patients who have threatened or attempted suicide—there are four risk factors that account for more than 80% of the risk for suicide: major depression, bipolar disorder, a lack of previous mental health treatment, and the availability of firearms in the home. If these four problems were solved, most suicides would be prevented."
Source: Maureen Empfield, M.D. and Nicholas Bakalar
Snippets:
Persons under 25 account for 15% of all suicides.
Between 1952 and 1995, the incidence of suicide among adolescents and young adults nearly tripled.
Many who make suicide attempts never seek professional care immediately after the attempt.
Suicide was the eighth leading cause of death of all Americans, the third leading cause of death for 15-24 year olds, behind unintentional injury and homicide.
Nearly 3 of every 5 suicides were committed with a firearm. Among persons 15-19, firearm-related suicides accounted for 62% of the increase in the overall
rate of suicide.
The risk for suicide among young people is greatest among young white males although the suicide rates increased most rapidly among young black males.
Although suicide among young children is a rare event, the dramatic increase in the rate among persons aged 10-14 underscores the urgent need for intensifying efforts to prevent suicide among persons in this age group.
More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia and influenza, and chronic lung disease, combined.
source: http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/suicideteen.html
Some mornings I wake up tense, left over from the day before, or it came during the night, is already with me. So I lay in bed and count my blessings, of course. This helps.
Don't get me wrong; often I have good dreams and wake up in a good mood. Last night it was something about a boiler room/industrial work site with Tom, and our cats showed up (grin). hmmm - wonder what boilers stand for?
Generally, being an optimist keeps me from too many dark mornings.
In a yin-yang sort of way I married a pessimist. This makes for many interesting encounters -
"It could be half empty."
"Not to my mind, I'm sure it's half full."
"No, I can clearly see the emptiness."
"Yes, but that's because I just drank half of it, so it's still half full!"
"You emptied it - you removed it and now we don't have it, so the glass is nearly empty!"
"Fine! I'll just go get some more and then it will be all FULL!!"
It's good we can still laugh about these "conversations" although not usually while we are having them.
Marriage is an unnatural state*. After all, it's just one model for raising children, not necessarily better or worse than other types of societal constructs. Some indigenous peoples have close-knit small communities and they truly raise children communally.
And in some Native American tribes, women completed a divorce by putting her mate's belongings outside the tent. This saved a lot of attorneys fees. Again, the children were supported by the tribe, and life moved on.
So here are the things I love about Tom, in spite of my skeptism about marriage as an institution:
for being skeptical about most societal forms, including schools, hospitals and advanced degrees
for quietly making me tea when I'm grumpy or ranting
for knowing the prices of every item he buys for us at three grocery stores, within 50 cents.
for seeing patterns in behaviour that I totally miss, like the neighbors seeming distracted, and it turned out Loren has cancer, or that pork rinds attract hunters.
for being firmly liberal, following the blog news and knowing when not to let this enter the conversation, like when he voted last week.
for making pancakes and sausage for Patrick and his buddies after a sleep over, even if he does it to keep the kitchen clean and the kids from getting creative in there
for reading to Gwyneth all the time, and playing silly games with her, including carrying this giant six year old on his shoulders, recognizing it won't last much longer.
for always looking for ways to relate to the kids, no matter how impossible this seems with surly, drama queens (pre-teens)
for trying to stay out of the way when I'm on a cleaning binge
for knowing how to do Nothing, and encouraging me to try it and not being impatient when I end up knitting, but enjoying that we sit together for a bit of peaceful reverie.
for knowing how to manipulate images on the computer and not complaining when I whine about the computer, although he knows I could usually fix it, eventually
for not asking me to fix the computer problems after dealing with them all day, plus people
for acknowledging that he doesn't like making any phone call or any financial chore, and doing it anyway.
for not complaining about all the yarn and wool and sewing and scrap booking and other craft projects or the money I spend on them, or that my time is short for enjoying them so sometimes they are left for long periods, unattended.
for quietly encouraging me when I take the time to enjoy my crafts
for never fussing when I bring yet another book home
for knowing where all kinds of weird stuff is, in boxes in the basement, or at least remember having seen it and then actually looking for it and surprising me with it later (because my memory is short)
for tolerating the 2 cats and 2 dogs and even the bunnies and guniea pig and the extra cat, and the chickens and the goats, when we had them
for going to a guniea pig funeral and understanding why I cried throughout
For burying all kinds of animals over the years, large and small - including the guniea pig in the flower pot.
for being able to fix all kinds of stuff, although it is an image he firmly rejects, and then actually fixing things, even if it takes him months to warm up to the idea
for building things we need, like bookshelves and cubbies
for being ok in a smaller house and letting go of all kinds of stuff we don't need, even though he is the consummate pack rat (and I say this with the utmost respect for rats:)
for laughing with real enjoyment every time I mix up famous names, like Neil Diamond and Neil Young; James Brown and Jackson Brown
for delivering the most hysterical one liners, so that I laugh in tears and my side hurts and for remembering the kids' unintentional ones ("Toy poodles? Mom only likes REAL poodles!")
for writing me hundreds of love letters when we were dating, and spending hours on the phone in long distance "dates" when we really couldn't afford it.
for putting up with me for all these years, a huge challenge.
Love you dear - me
*I also think marriage is a fantastic place, a container of sorts, for personal growth. Not that stretching is fun, but if you believe in growing until you die, try matrimony. It's like the Extra Human Growth Hormone:) Weird things can come out of it, but .... well... yeah. It can make you taller.
Very funny site even if you don't love knitting. Scroll down and read the one about her husband's birthday. Had me laughing outloud!
v
Last one of the morning (smile). This NY Times article maintains that it wasn't the religious right who made the difference in this election (and it has numbers to prove it) but rather that:
"He won because 53 percent of voters approved of his performance as president. Fifty-eight percent of them trust Bush to fight terrorism. They had roughly equal confidence in Bush and Kerry to handle the economy. Most approved of the decision to go to war in Iraq. Most see it as part of the war on terror.
The fact is that if you think we are safer now, you probably voted for Bush. If you think we are less safe, you probably voted for Kerry. That's policy, not fundamentalism. The upsurge in voters was an upsurge of people with conservative policy views, whether they are religious or not."
He makes some of the same observations I made: that "moral values" is devoid of meaning, therefore questions on exit polls about moral values are pointless.
Brooks concludes,
"What we are seeing is a diverse but stable Republican coalition gradually eclipsing a diverse and stable Democratic coalition. Social issues are important, but they don't come close to telling the whole story. Some of the liberal reaction reminds me of a phrase I came across recently: The rage of the drowning man. "
I don't agree with this assessment, but I do agree with his warning (elsewhere in the article) not to oversimplify the issue. This isn't "we" liberals against "them" conservatives. It's radical Republicans setting the national agenda.
And in reference to the safety issue? Are we safer? Well, if we'd lost over a thousand lives in one incident, a bombing or bio-terrorism attack, Bush might not be in office in January. Instead, we lost those lives in a foreign land, for an unjust war on a third world country. Those calls of "bomb them back to the stone age" have a ludicrous ring when you think about how devastated those countries were before we went in.
So if you are esconsed in your warm home, with electricity, running water and food (unlike the Afghani and Iraqi people) and no military weapons at your side, no sandy combat boots waiting for your scared, tired feet (unlike our soldiers in these combat zones) then you are insulated from the realities of the war.
When we are attacked again on our own soil, it will be in spite of the wars in the Middle East - if not because of them.
Don't live in fear - but don't be deluded either.
Gets in trouble with the neo-conservatives over a comment about judicial appointments who are strongly anti-abortion might have a tough time getting through the Senate:
"The outpouring [of calls from angry conservatives] illustrated how the party's conservative wing has been emboldened by the White House victory and the strengthening of Republican majorities in Congress, potentially raising new hazards for moderate Republicans who might want to break from the president or House and Senate leadership on major issues."
NYTimes article - need to register (free) to see it
"Sen. John Kerry has been serving the American public for longer than Bush has been sober."
found on a Florida web site.
The writer adds: "How is it that someone with a DUI and shady military service record can so cloud the issues that a decorated Vietnam veteran who has been in the Senate for 20 years does not win decisively?"
Recipe to motivate your base :
1. Construct a sense of fear of the world (all those bad guys out there) and
then
2. Point fingers at Them in our own country They would not let us be safe. They don't understand how serious it it. They want your money (your children to be gay, your dog, your freedom).
3. Stir the pot up really well, make it nice and hot, and no one will notice that you've been cooking ferociously for four years and still haven't served dinner.
(and even your friends, who got a little taste 'cause they are your buddies? are making faces and scrambling away to the bathroom)
This article, about what to do in the aftermath of the election and in the face of Bushmen's already escalating arrogance ("mandate"?? please) makes complete sense to me. Unfortunately I believe it could easily be yet another step in the downward spiral of the fall of Rome.
Without being overly dramatic (grin) I'd say the Dems can certainly do a better job of fighting like hell. There can be true respect without concessions. There should be calm, peaceful rhetoric, solid ideas, (cringing-->) sound bites that every person can understand, and firm resolve to not give an inch.
To support all this we have to have people - a team - leading. The energy of the angst and passion we have from the election and results should not be squandered.
And I damn well think we should attack the notion of "moral" and replace it with values - something concrete and understandable and defensible. "Moral" is like "knowledge management" it's a catchy phrase completely devoid of real meaning.
Morals are personal. Values are shared.
Morals are subjective. Values are agreed upon.
Morals are internal. Values are the basis for action.
Please G-d give us a leader who will lead us out of the wilderness as a nation, who will be honest and humble and intelligent. Please give her a team of geniuses to help her.
amen.
This is an emotionally honest article but I disagree with her conclusions, that this is "their" America. The fact is that this is our America - that the Republican extreme Right Wing nut cases have hijacked the process, and therefore the government (stem to stern) is a reflection of how the system is broken, not a reflection on our "splintered" and divided country.
The fact is that most people do want clean air, are concerned about global warming, helping those less fortunate, repairing our image with our allies, keeping our soldiers safe, making our cities safe and ridding the world of tyrants and terrorists. Almost everyone would agree that abortion is a tragedy, whether they support choice or not.
Most Americans are moderate in their stance on gay relationships. Exit polling confirmed this on Tuesday. Moral values does not mean anti-gay and bigoted.
We would all agree that the government shoudn't run huge deficits. We agree that we have to be aggressive and diligent to stop terrorists. We all know that we continue to be extremely vulnerable to attacks. Just look at the fear generated from being short of the flu vaccine this year. What a strange form of bio-terrorism. How easy it would have been to orchestrate. (I don't think anyone did, but it isn't any harder than shipping in nuclear weapons on one of the thousands of unchecked ships or planes - that will only be a matter of time).
So if Democracy is broken, then what about it is broken? besides the voting machines? (see entry below)
Obviously the media has suffered enormous losses in professional standards these last 10 - 15 years. I understand that the dumbing down of American media - all forms - continues apace. And I understand that the glut of accessible information makes it less sexy to just report the news. But we are seriously lacking the unbiased, stringent investigative reporting that used to be the norm. By tending toward analysis as a replacement for facts, we lose faith in our information sources.
Oh sure, we believe the information is accurate, but what about the motives? What is the hidden agenda?
If the only reason the Republican apparatchik won the election is because their spin was better than our spin, because they were able (again) to create a more sophisticated package for the prez and his merry (insane) men, then why isn't this just a beauty contest ?!? - oh yeah, damn. It is.
Democracy only works where the information is accurate and the votes count. Yes, it's broken. But no matter which way you voted, this nation is only deeply divided on the fringes - the extremists of both parties are deeply divided! not the majority. And on I'm not at all sure they swung the election. It's nice to believe that their votes canceled each other out. So what decided the election? Spin.
This election, last election and the way Bushmen run the government has created a false picture of division, when what we really want is to respect our leaders. We want to be respected in the world and to listen to a president who can complete full sentences. We (mostly) all cringe when he appoints far right justices to the Supreme Court and the many federal benches.
The Republican neighbors and family and friends I have are not evil people - far from it. They are thoughtful, loving, intelligent citizens who care deeply about the future of their children, the country and the world. They are not so different from me.
Our goals are similar, but our take on what is cause and effect come from different sources - different channels, literally.
Our trust in the government is different, although we've all distrusted it at times. Our faith in a man who makes decisions not based on evidence and advice from his staff, but based more on his prayers is very different.
Everyday people are not responsible for the reprehensible bare-knuckled assaults that we witness in elections and in the now normal course of Washington politics. We wouldn't treat each other that way in local politics. Where has the civility gone?
May G-d bless those moderates in both parties and bring them to the forefront. They are our only hope for taming the monster that extremists have created using this election.
The monster is extremism itself, running our country, with all the protective, softening effects of civility and respect and reason stripped away.
v
This caught my eye:
"If we go back in history to prior presidential elections, those exit polls were dead on," said Dennis Simon, a political scientist at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. "Something has changed to make them less dead on."
from an article in the Seattle Times.
But more interesting are these articles:
on voting machines casting the wrong vote for president
and this one that quotes industry analysts asking for a paper trail to verify the estimated 30 percent (!) of votes cast on electronic machines
and this one just connects the dots openly.
Here's a historical perspective on where some of the questions began.
So maybe the first place we Democrats and Anti-Bush millions (at least 55, could be another few mil who weren't counted) should start is with the voting booths. What goes in isn't always what comes out.
Email to MoveOn.org in response to an email to their members:
Thanks Guys for your kind words. They are sincere and don't gloss over the challenges ahead, as so many politicians did yesterday. Worse perhaps than the loss are the calls for unity in a land torn asunder by Bush party arrogance and self righteousness.
I would like to see MoveOn continue in a leadership role for those of us who teeter on the brink of extreme cynicism and bitterness.
It was bad enough to have the election stolen in 2000, to have to watch Bush and his team swing the national agenda to fear mongering, slash and burn diplomacy, bankruptcy in our budget and environmental rape for four years.
This defeat is almost too much to bear.
We need someone to guide not only all of those who voted for Kerry, but also the millions who voted for Bush with deep reservations. We need someone to lead a centrist middle class agenda, based on real values, respect and sophisticated hardball politics.
The group who can pull that together will truly give us back our country, will truly represent the vast majority, and will help us heal - Democrats and Republicans, Christians and Jews and Muslims, black and white, rich and poor.
I hope you find a way to do this. I think you have everything you need to get started. If you do, I'm behind you all the way.
Vicki Jones
St. Louis, MO
ps. And I still want an explanation of why exit polls were so far off - does this happen often? Or do we need to investigate the voting machines? Where do they go after the election and who tests them, both before and after? I'm sure the casino industry has tighter standards - and more regulations - for electronic machines than we do for our voting systems. What a sad state of affairs.
Email in response to an alarming article I found this morning:
I'm a fiscal conservative, social progressive and I support other controversial medical science such as stem cell research. However, "face transplants" is an extremely problematic practice (or soon to be practice) from several perspectives.
I find it reprehensible that doctors would risk a patient's life for cosmetic surgery, even in cases of severe disfigurement. While some would say that "I would want it for my child, if necessary.", this is faulty reasoning. Parents will do anything for the sake of their children, make any bargain, no matter the ethics. And while the Ohio hospital board may have determined this to be ethical (I disagee), this flies in the face (sorry) of common sense and universal taboos (such an incest).
Face transplants are just as viscerally abhorrent as terrorist beheadings and torture of prisoners.
vj